Cold
by Swift-Star9
Summary: Rin cooks a meal and pretends everything is fine. Spoilers for chapter 98.


_Title_ : Cold  
 _Written_ : February 4 2018  
 _Characters_ : Rin Okumura  
 _Summary_ : Rin cooks a meal and pretends everything is fine. Spoilers for chapter 98.  
 _Notes_ : This fic takes place a couple days after Rin learns the secrets from Mephisto.

* * *

Rin flicked the kitchen switch. He smiled as the fluorescents flickered on slowly, lighting up the counters. The brightness was relaxing and familiar, like coming home. After all the weird stuff he'd been through recently, it was a nice feeling.

He had a meal in mind, an old rice and egg dish that always made him feel better. It was also easy to make since he'd practiced it so many times. That seemed ideal right now.

Rin reached for the sack of rice, shaking out the grains into the workhorse strainer he used for everything. He ran water over it, drops patting gently on the sink bottom, and waited a few seconds before transferring the rice to the ancient rice cooker. Soon after he'd moved here, he'd discovered the asshole clown had given them old kitchen appliances with dials that fell off and keypads that nearly required a drill press to push. That guy had said something about antique brands fetching a high price some day. Hmph. Bastard was just a fancy junk hoarder.

He added water and turned the timer, before turning to their fridge. He rummaged through the crisper drawer, rustling the recyclable plastic wrapped loosely around the vegetables. As he pulled out the bags, he also took out the egg crate for use later. Pausing for a moment, he opened the crate and slowly took out one of the eggs. He couldn't help but feel relieved that they were still cool to the touch. For some reason the reminder of the obvious was strangely comforting.

Rin took out the vegetables to cut, noting he had to use them up before they went bad. Laying them out in front of him, he began slicing the stems. He felt calmed as he fell into a rhythm, slowly making his way through each ingredient.

He liked it in here. He didn't have to think about the world, what had happened to him, or how he looked now. Heck, he didn't even have to see his reflection. That was a relief, since he still felt weird about it. Looked like his hair had turned bluish-white for good.

The harsh crowing of the rice cooker interrupted his reverie. He opened the lid, nodded, put it back… and opened it back up and swore.

Crap! He'd made way too much rice for just him and Kuro! He must've gone on autopilot.

He looked over the rest of his ingredients, realizing it wasn't just the rice he had overestimated. He haphazardly put the excess away. A part of Rin, the part that always tried to make a challenge out of making the most meals out of the smallest budget, felt a small surge of pride at the extra supplies he now had. Now he could make Yukio's budget stretch longer!

Rin let the thought go as quickly as it came.

"Hey, Kuro?" he said, portioning out the rice into two bowls. The black cat watched him intently from the other side of the kitchen. "Want more?"

"Yaaaay!" Kuro waved his paws in circles, dancing in the way only a demon cat could. Rin was glad that his friend would be happy with a larger portion. He poured the egg over the vegetables, damping the sounds of the oil as the egg ran over the pan. He waited, taking care not to be too industrious on mixing the egg. It had to set just enough so it'd cook right.

He lifted the pan off the stove, rolling the cooked egg on top the steaming bowls of rice on the countertop. He set aside the cookware, taking both bowls in his hands to the table. Kuro eagerly hopped onto the table, the way he always did when Yukio wasn't around. Rin set the smaller bowl in front of Kuro, who was pawing at the table excitedly. Rin finally sat back in the chair he always took, the one with the back to the door.

"Itadakimasu!" he said and Kuro meowed in unison.

The dinner was quiet. Rin ate his meal slowly as he swiped back and forth on his smartphone. New posts, new updates… a new "Star Wars" movie?! He eagerly read the announcement, excitement filling him. He started to write a text message to Bon and Koneko. Surely they should watch it together when it comes out!

He stopped himself just before hitting the send button.

Were they still cool now? A lot had gone down. Last time something like this happened, Bon had needed his space.

Rin left the message unsent as he finished the last of his rice. The phone stayed on the table while he cleaned dishes. He covered the extra rice with plastic wrap in a bowl, putting it away in the fridge. Normality, comforting static normality washed away the awkwardness, which in turn covered emotions he wasn't ready to deal with.

He walked slowly back to the bedroom. He flopped down in his chair, yawning loudly and leaning the chair on the back two legs. Heh, he could already hear Yukio telling him to stop that or he'd break the chair.

Instead, the bedroom was silent.

Rin looked at his desk. According to his phone, it was just a little after 7 pm. He'd ordinarily have to study now but he was feeling tired. He shivered. He was somewhat confused. Had it ever been this cold in here before?

He went over to his bed, pulling the duvet over him. Kuro jumped on top, purring and rounding himself into a ball. Rin felt Kuro's warmth, but the chill didn't go away. The cold was all through him. He tossed and turned, trying to find a spot that would make him warm. After the fourth time, Kuro complained with a terse mew before settling in a new spot away from Rin.

Rin eventually found himself leaned on his side with his back against the wall. He stared at the bed on the other side of the room. As usual, it was folded immaculately. That was how he liked to leave things. Everything on his side was always cleaned, organized and… ready for him to return.

Rin's chest felt heavy. He closed his eyes, and tried to pretend Yukio was simply out on a long mission or for a briefing. When that didn't work, he tried to tell himself that maybe this was a dream, like he could fool himself into believing he was already asleep.

The minutes passed like hours and he was still no closer to warmth or rest. Frustrated, he gave up trying to convince himself things were different than they were. He lay there in the quiet bedroom, thinking of all that had happened in the last nine months. His eyes were wet as he passed over the horrible events of the week. His mind's eye went back to attending Renzou's brother's wedding, to studying for exams, to wintery and beautiful Aomori. He remembered Inari wheat fields. The Academy festival. Kyoto Tower. Camping. Shiemi's garden.

Finally he imagined was back in his and Yukio's bedroom at the monastery. He imagined he was in his old bed, hard but steadfast. He imagined Yukio sleeping in his own bed nearby, softly breathing.

As he imagined, he drifted to sleep, lulled by soft memories and warmer times.

* * *

 _A/N_ : You could say I'm coping.


End file.
